Know how I know I'm old?

Get this- I've actually kind of sort of started.. .. driving the speed limit!

I know, it's crazy. My whole life I've been a bit of a speed demon. I'm just so very impatient and want to get places faster! I've been known to cuss people out for being in my way!

But here in the last few months I've noticed that when I drive around town or wherever, I look down and I'm barely going over the speed limit! I'm talking 2 or 3 mph over! This is nuts. I'm used to going at least 10 mph over. Especially on the interstate, where now I find myself going a mere 7 mph over the speed limit.

Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I'm becoming a responsible driver. Maybe I've decided to stop being in such a hurry all the time.

Or maybe it was those 2 speeding tickets in 2 years.

Really? Even Allison thinks this is a bad idea.

My beloved Johnny Depp will be starring in.....


ANOTHER Pirates of the Caribbean Movie. *sigh* *shakes head in disbelief*

And, yes, this blog is being written by me, Allison, the girl who is obsessed with Johnny Depp and pirates.

Here's why this might not be good: POTC Dead Man's Chest? Not a great movie! And? POTC At World's End? Even worse. I mean, it's good to have even more excuses to watch Johnny Depp, but they really should have stopped after the first one.

With this news though, comes good news: Johnny will be playing the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. And, he will be playing Tonto in a Lone Ranger movie.

I guess all I'm saying here is, I hope the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie doesn't suck.

I <3 you, Johnny.

Throwing up at the Gynocologist.

Don't worry, I'm not really going to talk about the gynecological part of my doctor's visit.

See, a year ago, my gynecologist decided that since I had never had a cholesterol screening, that my next visit (that would be this year) I should have one. She told me to fast after midnight the night before.

Fast forward to Monday. I made the mistake of scheduling that appointment at 4 pm (I like late afternoon appointments). So, I had to go all day with no food or drink. See, since I had never had a screening before, I didn't realize that I was allowed to drink water if I wanted. So no food, no water. This gave me a wicked headache, but I ignored it since taking a Tylenol might have affected the screening. I think.

Anywho so when it came time for them to draw blood from my arm on Monday afternoon, I was a little weak. I told the nurse about the last time I gave blood. And about the first time I gave blood. She asked if I wanted to lay down for the process. I said "no" taking a chance that perhaps it would be like the second time I gave blood, which is the only time I didn't almost pass out.

Bad idea. After about 3 minutes it hit me, as it tends to do. I got all hot and sweaty. The nurse put a bag of frozen peas on the back of my neck, and wiped my face with a wet paper towel. And then, I got really nauseated. And I threw up. In the trash can. This is a new one for me in the giving blood arena. She felt really bad for me and went next door to a vending machine and got me a Coke.

After a while I was fine of course, except the headache didn't go away. The point of the story is, I really shouldn't give blood unless it's absolutely necessary. And I can drink water when I'm fasting.

Heartache.

Heartache, that's what Saturday's game felt like. My Apps were like a relationship gone wrong. One of those relationships where everything starts out great and then all of a sudden you're left with a broken heart.

The first half was the buildup. The first touchdown was like the first date. Everything went well; the food was good, the conversation flowed, and you know you're in for more.

The second touchdown was like the first kiss. Soft, sweet, and it left you with a tingly feeling all over, and a smile from ear to ear.

The third touchdown was like the first "I love you". You felt like, this is it! I know I'm good now, and happy for a very long time.

Halftime: that first vacation together, when you're happy, satisfied that things are great, and you're just floating along with life.

Then, in the second half kick-off, you catch your partner in a lie. The other team scores.

A few minutes later, you realize they've been absent, and you start to suspect they're secretly seeing someone else.

And then the next thing you know, you're constantly fighting, constantly bickering, and you realize you're not in love at all.

And when the game ended, and Appalachian was left with a 35-32 loss, you're left heartbroken. A pain in the gut, and a pain in the soul.

The difference between a heartbreak and a football game is, though, next week there is another shot. The relationship will be back on, and the slate is wiped clean, and there will be good times to be had again.

This is why I love football, every week there is a chance for something great. Another first date, another first kiss, and another "I love you".

aye! avast!

Tomorrow is another one of my favorite days of the year, Talk Like a Pirate Day!

I'm not great at celebrating it because I'm usually at work and such, but tomorrow I plan on giving it the old college try.

For those of you who weren't around a couple of years ago when I posted them, here are the top ten pirate pickup lines again:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

(Go to the website for even more.)

If you're not sure what to say or how to say it, here's a handy translator for you.

Go celebrate!!

Arrrr!!

Carmen is older than me. Ha.

Yesterday was Carmen's 27th birthday which means she's older than me again.. barely.

After a long day getting all hot and sweaty walking around GPSn, I came home and showered and then Matt, Carmen and I went to Carrabba's.

I think Carrabba's might literally be the best chain restaurant ever. Matt got free beer and crab cakes, and our tiramisu was free too! They gave us all of this free stuff because it was Carmen's birthday and because we were cool. We are cool.

To celebrate further, we went back to Carmen's where we played two games of spades with Brian D (my old roommate) and Matt against Carmen and me.

For those of you who don't know this, Carmen and I are a LETHAL pair when it comes to spades. We do lose, occasionally, but it's pretty rare. We outright spanked the boys two games in a row. It felt good. Damn good. I really think Spades is one of the best skills a person can possess. Jared needs to learn how to play.

Yes, it was a good night. Except for one little thing. On my way between Carmen's front door and my front door (which is separated by about 20 feet), I stubbed the hell out of my flip-flopped pinkie toe. It is the same pinkie toe that I had surgery on 2.5 years ago.

Carmen was kind enough to give me a bag of frozen okra to pack on it while we played spades, but today it still feels like it's constantly being stepped on. Shoes hurt. Walking hurts. What is it with me hurting me toes? Like here and here.

I should just give up on walking already.

AWWWEEEEEEEEEEE YEEEEAAAAA

Thanks to Joan's POS (that's Power of Suggestion) along with everyone else's, I finally got me some delicious Pumpkin Beer.
MMM hmmm.

GPSd out.

I have a new schedule that has started this week with my job. I used to only be in the field two days a week, on Mondays and Tuesdays. Now, since I'm not working in Lenoir anymore, and they need more people in Morganton, I am in Morganton two days a week. So Mondays and Tuesdays I am in the field in Morganton (meaning I have no computer access during the day) and on Wednesdays I am in the field in Hickory (no computer access most of the day).

This is the reason blogging has been so very very sparse lately. I am not a fan. But it's better than not having a job so I won't complain too much. I will say this however: Sometimes it's a nasty, yucky job. For instance first thing Tuesday morning when I opened a water meter and found this:


You should really see the large size for the full effect. It's a man-eating slug. He's about 7 inches long and slimy. I almost vomited.

I see a lot of weird things while out and about GPSn. Especially now that I'm in Morganton. Lots and lots and lots of black widows. I've seen pet geese, people burning trash right in front of me, and a few weeks ago we saw a garage set up with a confederate flag with a noose hanging in front of it. Lovely.

I have an entire flickr set dedicated to stuff seen while GPSn. It's still a work in progress.

ASU KILLS JU

I've gone from having an awful time in LSU to having a fantastic time this past weekend.

Friday night I went with Katie and Daniel to see Cowboy Mouth in Asheville at the Orange Peel. I love to watch Cowboy Mouth live because they always make every show they put on feel like it's their best show ever. Fred, the lead singer makes every person in the room get into it and have so much fun. Awesome. And then we spent the night at Daniel's parents house in Madison County, which was also really cool.

And of course Saturday was when App slaughtered Jacksonville University 56-7. Sweet. After watching that nasty game in Baton Rouge, it was really nice to see us play so well. Of course, since I had gotten so little sleep and then we tailgated for like 15 hours, I actually slept through the first half of the game. But the halftime show and the second half were great!!

Tailgating was especially fun this weekend since, like, everybody was there. We had a lot of fun hanging out and listening to Popcorn Rob tell a story. And I was bad and gave a baby a minibottle of Bacardi.. Of course we didn't let her open it, or drink from it :).

Anywho pictures are here



But there aren't any game pictures from me, since it was drizzling right before we went into the game, and I didn't want my camera to die.

Adventures in Sucktown

A short story, by Allison

Allison and Wendy arrive at the airport in Baton Rouge after two relatively scary flights. Bumpy rides are normal to some people. But the landing part spooks Allison every time.
Taking the first step out of the airport, Allison immediately feels the humidity hit her skin and hair. The piece of paper she had crumpled up in her hand succumbs to the humidity and becomes more like a wetnap than standard notebook paper.
After getting a cabbies attention, she stood waiting for Wendy and could already tell her hair was at least 4 inches taller than it had been minutes earlier. A bug flies at her and almost knocks her over.

Carl the cabbie took Allison and Wendy to their hotel, which was relatively nice, compared to some other Days Inns they had stayed in. Once checking in and changing, they call Carl the cabbie back and get a ride to the Baton Rouge Mellow Mushroom (which is the greatest restaurant chain on Earth). It is, after all, Allison's goal to eat at all the Mellow Mushrooms in the country.
After two delicious beers, some tasty cheesebread, and a wicked good cheesesteak sub, Allison gives her seal of approval and puts it at number 2 on the list of best Mellow Mushrooms (Boone will always be the best).

Carl the cabbie once again picks up the girls, and they drop by a convenience store where they discover that Louisiana sells liquor everywhere. Sweet. Back at the hotel, they drink a couple of beers before hitting the sack at 11:30.

5:30 comes way to early on Saturdays, as the Appalachian tailgate has moved to 7:30 am, and the cab is going to be at their hotel at 6:15. Good thing Katie is there to wake them up.

Since the tailgate was changed to 2 hours long instead of 4 hours, and outside instead of in (Hurricane Gustav, you bastard), the tailgate officials decide it would be best to offer a free-for-all on beer and bloody marys. Very early drinking ensues.

After an awesome meal of jambalaya, boude and red beans and rice, Allison, Wendy, and the rest of their group sit around and enjoy a raunchily good Cajun band, which includes a woman playing the washboard.

Once 9:30 rolls around, everyone heads to the stadium.

The adrenaline is high. The people are nice. The seats are fairly good. Allison and Wendy are so excited they can't contain their enthusiasm.

Then the game starts. After five minutes, the mood changes slightly, to anxiousness. Louisiana State University's football team scores 14 minutes in the first quarter.

The mood changes to scared.

After the first half, it starts getting very hot, and very sticky. Allison and Wendy realize their team is not going to win this ball game.

Once the game is over, really over, the girls leave the stadium, frustrated and hot. Allison is confused and unhappy and tries to find the rest of the group. It turns out they can not immediately get taxied back to the hotel. After several different people give them confusing directions (including policemen) and walking across campus twice, they finally locate the rest of the group at a pizza place called Reginelli's.

The seven people at the table are tired, hot and dirty. They eat their mediocre meals and attempt to make positive conversation. After eating, another hour passes before they can finally get a taxi. Most taxi companies only allow a maximum of five passengers per taxi. Since their are seven passengers, the taxi situation is even more complicated.

After several phone calls and waiting around while being hassled by some creepy guy, the group loads up all in one old, big, blue taxi. Five people in the back, two passengers and a driver up front, they are squeezed and sweaty. Halfway through this death-defying taxi ride, the driver turns to Allison and she realizes he is missing his left eye, a few finger parts, and shoes, making the ride that much more uncomfortable.

A few minutes later, our group is finally back at the hotel. Allison jumps in the shower as everyone prepares to nap in the air conditioning. The shower is low flow (like that episode of Seinfeld) but enough to make her feel better.

Allison gets out of the shower and the bathroom light goes out. She flips the switch a few times, then hollers to her roommates that her light is out. That's when Katie breaks to her the bad news: The power has gone out.

The power is out. The air conditioning is off. The phones can't charge. There is no t.v. and no radio. It's still hotter outside than in, so the group resigns to taking hot naps and sitting in the dark.

After several hours of sitting around the hotel room doing nothing, most of the group walks to McDonald's for a lovely (*Sarcasm*) meal of McDonald's. Grumbling and hot, they walk around Walgreens and WalMart as well, until Katie (who has stayed at the hotel to rest) lets the group know that the power has come back on (after 5 hours). The air conditioning (GLORIOUS AIR CONDITIONING!) is running, and they will soon be cool once again.

5:00 AM the next morning, Allison and Wendy head back to Baton Rouge airport, and kiss this un-fun state goodbye. Goodbye to Gustav, and goodbye to 1000% humidity.

Sure, Allison might go back to this state someday. Maybe even visit New Orleans one day (where some others had a lot of fun), but this won't happen anytime soon.

Luckily there's next Saturday, when the Apps will play another game, and get started on a winning season.



For pics go here.

A little something my boss-man had me whip up the other day...

(Click to see it large)

I would blog more this week...

But honestly I can not concentrate nor think about anything else other than App football this weekend, and Hurricane Gustav.

And I know at least one of you might be sick of that kind of talk..

Next week normal blogging may or may not be back. Of course, I'll have to talk about my trip to Louisiana, and show off pictures.. And then I'll want to talk about the following weekend when I'll be going to the Appalachian versus Jacksonville State game....

Okay, okay. If you want something other than App football for the next few weeks, go read CNN.com. Otherwise, enjoy this kind of stuff:






Oh, and I even made "Hells Bells" my current ringtone on my phone. Or should I change it back to "Hi Hi Yikas"?

Is it Saturday yet?

Seriously, I can't think about anything else but the football game on Saturday.

This is crazy because I have a few good things coming up this week. Wednesday and Thursday are my last days in Lenoir, and we may or may not be celebrating with a trip to Boone to Mellow Mushroom..

Thursday is my office's fantasy football draft, which will be fun. Jared got lucky and gets first pick. :P

But Friday's when my sister-in-law and I leave for Baton Rouge and I'm SO SO SO SO EXCITED that I honestly can't concentrate on anything else. I hope no one expects me to get any work done this week. hahaha.

As If.

ASU! ASU! ASU!

Need More Flair?

So, yesterday I noticed a really cool Facebook Application called Pieces of Flair. It's a corkboard that you can add buttons to! And you can make your own buttons!

I'm a little obsessed and I already have added a whole bunch of buttons. I think I even made about 10 of them! Here's what I've got just since yesterday:
















I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with this. Maybe it's because growing up I always liked to have buttons, but never had anywhere to put them and they always ended up collecting dust in a drawer somewhere. This way, I have virtual buttons that don't collect dust and people can actually look at them!

Yay!! To get your own, just go to my facebook and then click the button under my flairboard.

Pet Peeve

Hum-eaters: n. (HUM EETRS)- People who hum and make other various noises while they are eating or munching. The most common hum-eaters will not even know they are making the offensive noise. The best way to avoid having to deal with a hum-eater is to first identify them, then give them peanut-butter sandwiches.

10 DAYS!

So it just dawned on me that NEXT weekend is the ASU/LSU game! 10 days until I get to go see Appalachian play some real football again! I've been jonesing!

Katie, Daniel and I went to App's Fanfest last Saturday and had a lot of fun bar-hopping and then getting autographs and watching a scrimmage game. But scrimmage games aren't really very fun. Here are my pics.

My new favorite player is Coco Hillary:


Ten more days until I get to see some heart-pounding, gut-wrenching, Tiger-fighting Mountaineer football!

Do I think we will win? No.. I'm not even going to kid myself here.

Do I think we will score some points? Hell Yes. We have that in us, for sure.

Do I miss Corey Lynch? :(

In ten days, I'll be here, sweaty and happy and having a grand time (I Hope) between a whole whole whole lot of LSU fans:

ally and mom

ally and mom
Originally uploaded by allygirl520

Isn't it funny how you can go 14 years completely worshipping your mother, then go 4 or 5 years where you can't stand her and anything she does? And it's not for any real reason other than you're a teenage girl and she wants to be your friend (As if).

Good thing I grew out of that because really, my momma is pretty cool. She does the best she can, and for some reason, she still loves me even after all that nonsense.

There are certain days of the year that make me happier than others, days when I'm actually okay with the concept of getting up earlier than 10:00 am. On these special days I'm actually somewhat happy to be awake and not lying in bed surrounded by pillows and blankets and Jared. These days of the year usually come expectantly, and I gladly welcome them with open arms and say "Hello you glorious day".

When I was young, the first day of school was the most exciting day of the year. These days I looked forward to a month in advance. I would decide ahead of time what to wear, what to pack in my book bag (which was packed up the day after the last day of the previous school year) and who I wanted to be in a class with. Mostly, I wanted to be in the class with all the boys I had crushes on.

Christmas has always and will always be a fun day, but not necessarily my favorite holiday. I like the feeling of family and all that stuff, but I'm usually too stressed out about all the presents and whether everyone will like what I got them.

Of course I love my birthday, who doesn't? I know, I know, I'm supposed to hate getting older (which I do), but I still love that small, special feeling you get inside when you know it's your day and you wish everyone would stop you in the street and say "HEY! HAPPY Birthday!!". Yea, that's me.

Halloween and New Years are also fabulous days for me. Any time I get to dress up in costume or light fireworks, it's a great day for me. This year will be especially grand because for Halloween there is a big football game at APP that I get to go to. And New Years I'm planning on trying to get away with having a good old fashioned throw down.

But there is one more, most special, most awesome day that comes every year and leaves me with a general happy "Sigh" and I sleep better knowing that it is here. That day? Days like today, when I wake up, go outside, and realize the most outstanding thing: SUMMER is almost over!

Yes, most of you already know, summer is my least favorite time of the year. This year was no exception to my miserosity. I've suffered for 4 months of stank-hottedness already and I'm anxious for FALL! Glorious Fall! Football! Leaves! Cool Breezes! It's here!

So, tonight, I will lay down in bed, happy and content, and ready to not sweat. Ready to sleep well, ready to dream of football, leaves, and cool breezes. And perhaps more football.

A Text Conversation..

A text conversation between two coworkers during a day-long 50-person meeting:

S: U should randomly scream

A: U should loudly fart

S: Get Ready

A: I'm waiting

(A few minutes later...)

A: Walk to tha bathroom and trip on the cords up front

S: Walk to the br go in and start screaming obscenities

A: Go in the kitchen and start peeing in the fridge

S: Go up and stab andy w ur car keys

A: Go up and dry hump him

S: Melt a snickers w a lighter and draw a pentagram on the table and summon demons to consume his soul

A: Go get your car and crash it through the side of the building and then get out of the car and start singing opera

S: Go to rock barn and steal the mower and bring it back and setup a 2 dollar haircut booth

A: Go to LA and get Britney Spears and bring her back and offer 2 dollar sex

(A Few more minutes later..)

S: This guy has smoked something illegal within the last 3 hours

A: HOw do you know? did u share a J?

S: Meth @ motel across street off a hookers back

A: Hope you didn't get gynosyphaherpeles

S: Cant get what u already have

Awesomenificus

A few simple ways to turn your frown upside-down:

1) Have boyfriend take you out to dinner at one of your favorite restaurants.

2) Drink beer. I suggest Magic Hat #9.

3) Enjoy a treat. I suggest the Peanut Butter Perfection at Cold Stone.

4) Watch a movie at home with your boyfriend.

5) Discuss plans to FINALLY go to the beach in October.

6) Take a six-hour lunch break. I suggest high-tailing it to Boone for Mellow Mushroom, then getting stuck in traffic and almost getting lost when you turn around to go the other way. Hey, at least it's Boone.

7) Have a tasty chicken salad sandwich with cucumbers, tomatoes, sweet honey mustard, and sprouts.

8) Have someone else buy your lunch 2 days in a row.

9) Get NFL tickets to see Buccaneers play.

10) Find out your Mom may be flying to Florida for a couple of days next week.

11) Watch some old episodes of X-Files.

12) Go enjoy a night of the ancient art of karaoke with your friends. And beer.

Follow these simple steps and you, too will have an upside-down frown.