Wednesday, September 23, 2009

slow down!

My God, I'm tired. Life won't slow down, damnit! I'm not used to being busy constantly and for the past month straight and the next month straight I've got almost no time to just relax, baby.

Let's see... the first weekend in September I went to East Carolina vs. Appalachian football game with Katie, Jeff, Tracy, Chad, and Brianne. It was fun even though we lost. Much better than that awful trip to Louisiana last year. We had fun hanging out with ECU tailgaters, eating good food, and just generally had a good time. Pictures from that can be seen by clicking the picture below:

The next weekend was the first Appalachian home game in Boone. The pictures from that game haven't been uploaded to Flickr yet. I hope I'll get time to put them up, along with pictures from my other adventures (see below) before I leave for my big adventure (see below) on Friday. The home game we played against McNeese St (another team from stinking Louisiana) and lost.. big time. Even though we only lost by five points it felt much worse than losing by five points to ECU (like we did the week before). Perhaps because we never had a rallying point. Oh and there was drama in the stands because some older alumni have no sense of humanity. Not all, of course, just the one guy.

Four days after this game, I left for a work conference at Carolina Beach. Now, I love the beach, and I love conferences, but I hate driving. Since I was going to Savannah with Katie and Alisa for the weekend, I had to drive separate from everyone. This is a five hour drive. The way down wasn't so bad..

The conference itself was a blast! From the sunset boat cruise to the Fat Pelican bar, to the Rock Band room party, to the karaoke and the 3 AM dip in the ocean, I had fun. But I did not have sleep. And then on Friday, I drove another five hours from Savannah.

At first, the second five-hour trip was awful. I was *so* tired. I pulled into a rest stop and just kind of wandered around trying to wake up. But then, Katie called and they weren't too far down the road behind me. So, I waited for them and then followed Katie all the way to Savannah. This was a LOT easier since I didn't have to think about anything but keeping with Katie.

Savannah was a lot of fun! We ate a lot of good food, and we went on a haunted pub crawl! You know I love the pub crawls. It was extremely hot, but not too bad inside. And the weather was great. It was Alisa's bachelorette party so we made her wear a sash and tiara and we all wore light up rings and beads! This was all well and good until the pink beads turned all of our necks bright pink! Seriously! See Katie's picture here.

Now. As I mentioned earlier, I hate driving. So let's see, I drove five hours to the beach, then five hours to Savannah. Then, I had to drive home. This was the absolute worst. THE WORST! I was so incredibly tired. I did not have a proper night's sleep in four days! You all know how much I dislike South Carolina. I was so desperately tired, though, that I spent 45 minutes at a rest stop in South Carolina taking a power nap on a picnic bench. That's desperation there. By the time I finally got home, I was one giant ball of stress and unease. It actually made me physically sick to my stomach doing all that driving. I'm just a wimp I guess. But then, my stress multiplied by a million because about an hour after I got home, I realized Meatwad was sick. Again.

My poor kitty has urinary issues (kidney sand) and he spent 6 days at the vet in July.. Now he's back again and hopefully will be coming home today. I hope. This is extra stressful since on Friday morning, we are leaving for Vegas. Yep. Vegas again! I'm so excited but at the same time so worried about my Meatwad!

We'll be there for six days and five nights. This will be a lot of fun, and I'm going to try to relax, but then it's not like life will slow down after that either. With football season and two weddings and Christmas and Jared's birthday, I don't see myself being able to chill out until January.

But I promise, I vow, I will do my best to hold my shit together. All I can ask is that I don't go crazy in the meantime.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

This blog is a little... strange.

I would like to start out this blog by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry to all of my friends, or any of my friends, who feel like I've been kind of.. standoffish the last few months. I don't honestly know if anyone feels like I have been standoffish, but I noticed that I don't see my friends near as much as I did last year or before. The fact is, I haven't really been standoffish, I've just been kind of.. vacant. And I'm not sure of the total reason for this. I'm sane, I think. I'm not desperately unhappy or going through some kind of depression (I think).

Last night I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time trying to figure it out. I stared and I looked at myself in the eyes and asked "what's missing? what is different? who are you?" I just don't seem to have that spark anymore.

At first I thought it must be that I'm getting older. I don't want to go out and party as much because I don't enjoy it as much anymore. I don't like getting trashed and wanting to pass out. I don't like waking up feeling embarrassed of myself for something I did or said. While that part of it is true, I still don't think that's what my problem is.

I think the honest reason for my slump the last few months is because I became so content with just existing. I've spent the last 27 years of my life existing, and being okay with that. I've always thought that looking for meaning to life was kind of pointless. Why not just live life and roll with it?

But what if I do need to find a meaning? What if there was a purpose other than just living, working, loving, and watching tv?

This is what I found when I looked in the mirror last night. I need a purpose, a meaning. I need to find out what it is I can do to be more than just Allison, mapmaker from Hickory.

But what? I'm still searching for that.

I just hope that now I've come to this conclusion, that what I need is more from life, that maybe I can be more of a friend. More of a person. I hope you (all of you) can understand me a little better now. I'm not putting you out. I love you, all of you.