That F***ing Cat

As most of you are aware, I recently started a new job in a city which is an hour from my current home.  Commuting sucks, therefore I will be moving to the new city once things fall into place (once Jared finds a new job or once we're married, whichever).  As part of this, I have tried to start fixing things up around the house.  This weekend my goal was to primer my upstairs bathroom.  Four years ago in a drunken stupor I picked out a superdark shade of purple for this tiny bathroom.  I suppose I was still in college mode which was why I wanted fun colors.  This "fun" color is awful and made my tiny bathroom tinier.  Not only that but I was not good with paint, and got it all over the place.  Hence, primer.

I worked on the primering some with Jared on Saturday.  Sunday, while he was at work, I finished it up.  This is a very laborious, mind-numbing process, especially since I didn't have a roller and was using only a paintbrush.  Sunday morning before I got started, I went out to my car to grab my ipod to keep me company. 

Cut to four hours later when I finished up.  I got dressed in non-paint spattered clothing and was going to head to the gym.  I was cleaning up all of the paint stuff and getting ready to go out, which means walking around and closing doors and turning off lights.  I noticed I didn't see Meatwad anywhere.  So, I pretty much knew the little booger had escaped when I went out to my car four hours earlier.  Now, let's remember, I was upstairs, in the little bathroom, listening to music.  Easy to miss a missing cat.  Meatwad likes to run out the front door sometimes, out of curiosity I suppose, but he usually runs right back in.  Not this day.

Since I knew he wasn't in the house, I walked out the front door and looked to my right.   And noticed several people standing in the parking lot, and a police man standing next to the bushes in front of the building. 

I just knew it had something to do with my cat.

So I walk over and he says, "Do you have a cat?".  Sigh. 

Meatwad had been out for hours and had been acting psycho kitty.  The neighbors had noticed him in the bushes and tried to get him out of there because he looked ill or something (well his butt is still missing hair from the surgery he had 8 months ago).  Anytime anyone got near him, he hissed and pawed at them (tried to scratch).  The people freaked out thinking the cat had rabies or was hit by a car, so they called police.  Of course.  They didn't know it was my cat.

So the policeman tells me that animal control is on the way and that if they get here, they'll take him.  If I want to keep my cat, I need to get him inside without being bitten.  Apparently, if a cat bites you, even if it is your cat, animal control automatically takes the cat and puts it down.

I tried and tried to get near enough to him to pick him up, but he was not happy.   I grabbed a towel and was going to try that, but no good.  I was very upset, thinking he was sick or hit or something.  The officer did say that he had walked around earlier, so he wasn't hit, which is good. 

My reaction, of course, is to cry like a baby and call Jared to talk through my options.  Jared calmed me down some, but didn't really know what to tell me.   After a few more minutes, I decided to try one more time to just call him out of the bushes.  Well what do you know, it worked!  He jumped up and ran after me to our door and right into the house.   At first, the officer followed me in "just to make sure he doesn't bite" me.  But he could see that Meatwad was fine, just needed his momma.  Plus, I was still crying (which scares the hell out of men) so he left us be.

So that damn cat was fine.   He was apparently just scared and probably really hot (spoiled a/c cat).  But he sure did scare me for a minute.  I really thought I was going to have to say goodbye to my beloved butthole of a cat.  What most people don't get to see is how sweet he is (usually) to Jared and I.  Not thirty minutes after he came back in, Jared was home and he was rubbing all over him with love.  Meatwad is just an odd cat, but he's my odd cat.

I love that f***ing cat.