Dear Cable Company, Here's why you suck.

Dear Cable Company,

First of all, let me just say that I have been a loyal customer of yours since 2001 when I was a poor college student who allowed herself the one luxury of cable t.v. I have never had problems before with your cable t.v. services, and still don't have any complaints there.

Your customer service and technical support, along with your sensitivity to time, however, suck. I would like to point out that there were other avenues I could have chosen when moving into my house and building my home entertainment options. I could have easily picked satellite. But since I had always been a cable customer, I chose to stay a cable customer. Along with my cable t.v. service, I added on high speed internet. This was very important to me in keeping in touch with friends and keeping my eye on things in the internet world. Also, it is especially important since I can not access Myspace at work. They blocked it :(.

Things were going fine and I didn't really have any complaints. But then, on March 3rd, a Saturday night, my boyfriend pointed out to me that my internet was no longer working. Since I know you have a 24 hour technical support line, I gave you a call and figured it wasn't a big deal.

First of all I have to point out that a) the automated system for "problem solving" when all agents are busy assisting other customers, she is a stupid whore. And b) the music we are forced to listen to while waiting on hold (after screaming at said automated prostitute) is quite possibly the most awful mind-numbing music i have ever been forced to listen to.

After finally getting to speak to an actual (agent after having to hold for 20 minutes), I was told that something must be wrong with the line going into my modem and you would have to send a technician out to my house. It would be a week before one was available. Disappointed, but satisfied that I was going to be solving this problem, I hung up.

I suffered a week with no internet at home. This was a terrible, frightening experience as I felt I was missing out on the world. I could no longer check my myspace daily, and could no longer watch funny youtube videos (also blocked at work) and could no longer laugh at funny, yet NSFW images on my favorite celebrity gossip blogs.

Saturday finally came and I excitedly waited for the technician to arrive. Around 2 pm he finally made it, and I was so happy I could barely contain myself. But after an hour and a half of fiddling around with my wiring inside and out, he told me he couldn't fix it. I was going to have to call back to your hot line and schedule a contractor to come and wire a direct line to my modem from the pole outside. Reluctantly, I said goodbye to this technician and called you again. After being jostled through several different people and having to yell at the automated sl*t again, I was finally able to schedule a contractor. For April 2nd. This was March 10th. Almost a month's difference. I was very, very sad that I would have to wait that long but understood that it was the contractor, and not your company that made this appointment.

Alas, 3 1/2 weeks went by with me saddened by no internet, but knowing there was nothing to be done, I accepted it. April 2nd finally came. And went. Without a single phone call or visit from your contractor. Weakened by this blow, I waved it off and went to work the next day expecting to call back later in the day. But thankfully, during my lunch break, the contractor came. Note, he didn't call first as I had requested, but luckily I was there.

After about an hour, he informed me that the first technician had been wrong and that I *didn't* need to have a direct line put in. He apparently had been new and didn't know how to fix the problem. Finally, after a month with no internet, he saved me and it was back. My lovely wired friend with myspace and youtube and NSFW was back. I rejoiced quickly and went back to work, happy.

About 20 minutes later, Jared sent me a text message that the internet was out again.

Highly peeved, I called your technical support again. After bluntly telling the automated Jezebel to go to H-E-Double hockey sticks, I was connected with Sergio, who understood very little English, and who didn't grasp the fact that I was not going to deal with the normal procedure of checking all the wiring at the modem. He did not get that the contractor had left only 20 minutes ago and that something was wrong. I was too mad to listen to him, and didn't want to die of a heart attack, so I hung up and decided to call back later after cooling off.

Next day I called you back. I was connected with a very nice lady operator who listened carefully to my plight and very nicely connected me with her supervisor, claiming that she would be the best person to help me out. This supervisor was not as nice as the operator, but being that she was a woman, and I am sexist, I was good with speaking to her kindly. She refunded some of my money and after having me hold on the line a few times, finally told me she would get a contractor out here as soon as possible. This was the first week of April. The next available time slot for the contractor was April 23rd. Again, I was upset by the wait but I understand that it's a different company than yours and you have no control over that. So, reluctantly, I agreed to wait. Again.

April 23rd has come and gone. It is now April 26th and I have heard nothing from you or your contractors. I did, on Saturday, receive an all too pleasant apologetic card from your public relations department which was a nice gesture but I was fooled into thinking it was an early birthday card and was highly disappointed.

Yesterday I signed up with the satellite company and the local phone company to get DSL. Monday I will be cancelling my service with you. You are the worst company I have ever had to deal with, mainly because all I wanted was my darn internet and you were not able to fix it, not with your broken promises or your stupid cards. I can't wait to tell your dirty automated vixen to go screw herself.

Sincerely,
Allison, new Direct TV customer