Wednesday, January 03, 2007

my turn to post my resolutions for all the world to see..

be forewarned, this blog is stupidly emotional and probably boring to most everyone but me. i'm just writing it because i need to.

ok i guess i'll go ahead and jump on the bandwagon and make a new years resolution or two.
first off, i'm going to keep the same one i had last year, which i kept (mostly....) which was to be happy and be myself. this one is the toughest thing i've ever dealt with. being myself is something totally accomplishable once you settle on the fact that nothing can change you except you. it's never really dawned on me before that if i be myself, people will still like me. and the ones that don't? i guess they weren't really my friends. luckily for me, that hasn't been a problem yet.

being happy, that's a hard resolution to follow. many great and wonderful things have happened to me this year. i became a homeowner in march and i now have a great condo. i adopted a kitty, meatwad, in may and therefore will always have that companionship. and also, i've met and fallen in love with an amazing man, jared, who has been the source for much, much happiness this year. it had been a really really really long time since i've actually been happy happy with a man. five years in fact. i was beginning to think that no other man was really going to be up to par with how happy i was before. thankfully, i've found jared. and he fills all the holes that were left behind in my heart.

but as with all good things, a person tends to do themselves in and sabotage what makes them happy. i'm dumb enough to be a very jealous girl.. which is ironic because i've broken up with a boy before for his jealousy. now i understand what it's like. now i feel awful.. i actually make myself mad for being so jealous. i know how idiotic it is to be jealous. but then i question everything.. like why hasn't he called yet? he doesn't sound like he wants to see me... he isn't as happy to hear my voice as i am to hear his.. why did he not tell me where he got that shirt before... but then i realize that i'm being stupid and the reason he didn't tell me is because he knows how jealous i am and he doesn't want to piss me off. it's a vicious nasty nasty circle which leads me to my new resolution for the year:

to stop obsessing over things that aren't really what i imagine them to be..
to stop being so jealous when i have no reason to be..
to remember the motto i came up with in high school, "green is only as blue as you make it".

if i can pull that one off, it will be a miracle. but miracles never cease...

also, i'd like to try to stop cussing so much. and to maybe be healthier. yea.


Sam said...

Allison, I have no idea why, but I love this blog. Maybe it's because it makes me aware of a side of you that I don't get to see that often. :)

Anyway, I'm glad you stuck to your new years resolutions from last year for the most part and I wish you the best of luck with the ones for this year.

Carmen said...

i love it when your blogs are stupidly emotional. and...i love you not working all the time because i had a very very fun time last night. isn't josh a poo head when he doesn't like a game? when he's losing too...maybe it's good he doesn't like poker.

i've never noticed you not being yourself...but i've also usually hung out with just you, or you and your guy or you and my i suppose you'd have less of a reason to not be yourself. but you do seem a lot happier. and my favorite part...we're next door neighbors!