Monday, January 12, 2009

Meatwad Hates Me.

So, ever since The Ex moved out, Meatwad has made it his personal goal to prevent me from enjoying my newly-single life.

See, on workday mornings, I have a little ritual I like to call "snooze hour". During snooze hour, I spend an hour hitting the snooze button every 9 minutes on my alarm, and getting another blissful 8.5 minutes of sleep in between. This is how I have always woken up. This is the only way to get me up early. Without this method, I'd be late for work every day.

Well, for the past two weeks, Meatwad has decided to mess with my snooze hour. Instead of waiting until I finally arouse and open my bedroom door before he starts bombarding me with good-morning-now-feed-me meows, he has decided he can't wait anymore. As soon as he hears my alarm go off the first time, he stands right outside my door and sticks his fat kitty snout right in the floor-door crack and meows very very very loudly, in an attempt to get me to feed him immediately.

This isn't entirely new. He used to do it a long time ago, too. You know, before The Ex moved in. Then he stopped. No real reason except I guess he figured I was feeding The Ex in there or something. Crazy ass cat.

I have tried a lot of different methods to prevent him from driving me insane. My first unsuccessful method was the watergun. As soon as I would hear him start, I'd jump up and grab the watergun, open the bedroom door, and shoot him a few times until he ran down the stairs. Then I would go back to sleep for 7.5 minutes (instead of 8.5) until my alarm went off again. Unfortunately, this method only serves to piss him off and he gets louder.

The next method I have tried is to lock him up in another room. This method is semi-successful except that it wakes me up more. The first time I did it, I put him in the downstairs bathroom, which means I had to grab him, hike down the stairs, and then back up. And even with a floor of separation, I could still hear him meowing. The next time I did it, I tried the extra bedroom, but I could still hear him.

Why can't cats learn? I don't understand. I don't feed him any earlier when he does this. In fact, I take my sweet time about it now, in an attempt to piss him off in return. To no avail.

*sigh* I'm not sure what to do now. I honestly can't survive like this. I think the only thing left to try is to start feeding them at night. I have a feeling he will still want to be fed in the morning and still meow under my door, but maybe eventually he'll forget.

That, or I could get someone to sleep over every night. But then, that's not going to happen anytime soon. I wonder if removing his voice box would help? :D


Sam said...

You should look into getting one of those automatic feeding things. I can't remember what they're called but it's like a container with a bowl at the bottom and it's on a timer. You put the food in the container and then set the timer for when you want to dispense food and it dumps a little into the bowl and the specified time.

It sounds expensive, but it may do the trick. Your sanity is probably worth it.

Joan said...

Every time my alarm goes off Chloe jumps on me then continues to do so when the snooze goes off. It's a useless time for me to get more sleep.

Carmen said...

So, this morning I could actually hear the cat. I usually sleep through it, but I was up to go potty and could hear the cat through the wall.

Good luck. I don't know what to tell you. He can live outside with Cheddar. Except he might eat her.