Monday, January 09, 2006

what i really believe. (for those of you who don't know)

i want to tell you my view of religion. i'm not trying to start anything here, but recently it has come to my attention that some people out there may be mistaken about my beliefs. and that bothers me.

first of all i want to say that there is NOTHING, NOTHING out there that i absolutely refuse to believe in. but i have for the last 8 years or so claimed agnosticism as my "religion". this is not because i don't believe in god. this is not because i'm really an athiest, but want to be considered "unique". that's crap. i claim agnosticism because of what agnosticism is about. according to wikipedia: "Agnostics may claim that it isn't possible to have absolute or certain spiritual knowledge or, alternatively, that while certainty may be possible, they personally have no such knowledge." I personally have no such knowledge.

i haven't found god is basically what i'm saying. the truth is i envy people that can absolutely believe in God. or Jah, or Allah, or whatever. that means they have something wonderful and fulfilling in their life, that no matter how bad things get in life, they have the backing of their beliefs and they have that positive, spiritual presense to look to. i don't. i can't help the way i was raised. i can't help the fact that no one in my family has ever sat down and said to me: "yes, there is a God, and he loves you." sure, i've gone to church with my grandparents and with friends. and i have paid attention. i've had plenty of people preach to me, and i have listened. but nothing has hit me the way it should for me to believe and to have that fulfilment that comes with belief.

i do however believe that one day, i could believe. i think it's possible for someone to make that much of an impact on my life, and that they could be the one to show me there is a God, and that he loves me.

all it takes is a little patience. and love.

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